so basically i went to church after getting invited by my cousin at age nine. i continued going by my own free will. i enjoyed in very much so and i was quite spiritually involved.
as life became messy, it was nice to have that security blanket. and i even got baptised when i was fourteen.
than in life i became 17 and for the first time peaked a boy's interest. i got introduced to hard top shelf liquor and my priorities involved hanging out with my (than) boyfriend and going to shows on weekends, among other things.
in all the things i was doing, i felt a sense of guilt. i stopped going and used the fact that my one year older than me cousin was going away to college. but it was the guilt of doing what i pleased and not feeling up to par which, i than created a wall. and i stopped going to church and stopped being spiritually involved.
now that im here in visalia. my little sister goes to catholic school and asks and talks about God and our involvment with him. it startled me at first, but in time it wasnt so weird. and now i'm tearing down that wall i've created and i feel a lot better. with that and i've just been happier in life. my story, my truth is more out in the open.
so whatever, if you feel the need to judge me... go ahead. if thats what you feel like you need to do. all i know is that im becoming more at peace with myself and im happier. and im freer. and im not so shy and negative as i use to be. im still an introvert, at my core, but im much more approachable and all that good stuff.
in all this i've been able to write a bit. which im so happily pleased about. and so some of my writing involves this stuff thats going on.
-my prayer-
I'm sorry that I shut you out.
I'm sorry I didn't let you in,
Yet the furthest you went
Was the closest you could be.
Please forgive me for shutting you out
Cuz I had so much shame and doubt.
All I need is you in my heart.
All I want is you in my heart.
I've tried so hard to be self reliant,
But I've figured out
It's not compliant.
Lord, give me strength.
Lord, I need your help.
Please heal my broken heart,
For I'm much too weak
To do it on my own.
I surrender my trust you you.
I have faith in you.
Please take my hand
And walk with me.
Walk with me through
The mess I helped create.
I need help picking up the peices.
Please help me God.
Help me find peace
In dealing with my demons.
Cuz all I need is you.
All I want is you.
I surrender my heart to you.
sometimes i write really small short things. i dont consider them poems. i dont consider them anything but just something i want to jot down.
And than God said to me...
Ok, you've got a taste of freedom.
You know what "the good life" feels like.
Clarissa... Lets go home now.
and something i thought was poinent was that on xm radio,
rabbi shmuley said:
happiness is a choice.
we have everything and we have nothing.
bring peace in the middle east.
as life became messy, it was nice to have that security blanket. and i even got baptised when i was fourteen.
than in life i became 17 and for the first time peaked a boy's interest. i got introduced to hard top shelf liquor and my priorities involved hanging out with my (than) boyfriend and going to shows on weekends, among other things.
in all the things i was doing, i felt a sense of guilt. i stopped going and used the fact that my one year older than me cousin was going away to college. but it was the guilt of doing what i pleased and not feeling up to par which, i than created a wall. and i stopped going to church and stopped being spiritually involved.
now that im here in visalia. my little sister goes to catholic school and asks and talks about God and our involvment with him. it startled me at first, but in time it wasnt so weird. and now i'm tearing down that wall i've created and i feel a lot better. with that and i've just been happier in life. my story, my truth is more out in the open.
so whatever, if you feel the need to judge me... go ahead. if thats what you feel like you need to do. all i know is that im becoming more at peace with myself and im happier. and im freer. and im not so shy and negative as i use to be. im still an introvert, at my core, but im much more approachable and all that good stuff.
in all this i've been able to write a bit. which im so happily pleased about. and so some of my writing involves this stuff thats going on.
-my prayer-
I'm sorry that I shut you out.
I'm sorry I didn't let you in,
Yet the furthest you went
Was the closest you could be.
Please forgive me for shutting you out
Cuz I had so much shame and doubt.
All I need is you in my heart.
All I want is you in my heart.
I've tried so hard to be self reliant,
But I've figured out
It's not compliant.
Lord, give me strength.
Lord, I need your help.
Please heal my broken heart,
For I'm much too weak
To do it on my own.
I surrender my trust you you.
I have faith in you.
Please take my hand
And walk with me.
Walk with me through
The mess I helped create.
I need help picking up the peices.
Please help me God.
Help me find peace
In dealing with my demons.
Cuz all I need is you.
All I want is you.
I surrender my heart to you.
sometimes i write really small short things. i dont consider them poems. i dont consider them anything but just something i want to jot down.
And than God said to me...
Ok, you've got a taste of freedom.
You know what "the good life" feels like.
Clarissa... Lets go home now.
and something i thought was poinent was that on xm radio,
rabbi shmuley said:
happiness is a choice.
we have everything and we have nothing.
bring peace in the middle east.
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