lovely sweet nothings

currently i'm...
-really enjoying the trees all around town. so many beautiful colors.
-loving autum... my favorite season.
-writing a lot... i've been inspired a lot, which makes my heart happy.
-meeting new people, which is always splendid.
-loving the chilly nights. i love sleeping with my window open and cozying up under my layers of blankets.
-more spiritually involved with God.
-comming back to church.
-listening to loads of: Peter, Paul & Mary.
-enjoying watching over my sisters as they play happily in innocence.

it's inevitable, i'll always love...
-the beatles
-tea
-music
-autumn
-the moon lit sky
-my family
-my dog: Igby
-conversation
-nurturing
-honesty

-chandeliers

-L.A.

things i wrote today.

-Time to Let Go-
I've been so mad
Since you broke my heart.
I need to let go,
It's not impossible.
I won't hide my feelings anymore.
I need to let go.
I know I'll never see,
This love I want it to be.
I need to release my sadness.
It's all in the past.
We've all proved out points.
So now I'm letting go.
I'll face my overdue sadness
As I start releasing my broken heart.
I'm over being upset
Over things I had no control of.
Right now all I can do is let go.
You've burned your holes
And you've caused these wounds
But, now I'm in control.
I need to stop the hurt
That no longer hurts.
Cuz now I'm mending
My broken heart.
(note: this is not about a boy... this is about my mother)

-Moon Child-
The day becomes night
Yet, my moon is lit bright.
The sky's lit up.
Blue's and purple's
Begin to ignite.
And your gentle air chills my face.
If I only had a lasso
So I could
Rope you in.
I'd keep you safe
In my pocket
Till I could gently
place you
In my locket.
I love you Miss Moon,
My natural night light.


-Thanksgiving-
Please forgive me
If I sometimes forget
What blessings
I should be rejoicing.
So please beleive me when I say:
I'm thankful for the things I've done.
I'm thankful for the things I've seen.
I'm thankful for the mistakes
You've let me make.
I'm just glad to be standing here
Offering my thanks to you.

happiness is a choice

so basically i went to church after getting invited by my cousin at age nine. i continued going by my own free will. i enjoyed in very much so and i was quite spiritually involved.
as life became messy, it was nice to have that security blanket. and i even got baptised when i was fourteen.
than in life i became 17 and for the first time peaked a boy's interest. i got introduced to hard top shelf liquor and my priorities involved hanging out with my (than) boyfriend and going to shows on weekends, among other things.
in all the things i was doing, i felt a sense of guilt. i stopped going and used the fact that my one year older than me cousin was going away to college. but it was the guilt of doing what i pleased and not feeling up to par which, i than created a wall. and i stopped going to church and stopped being spiritually involved.
now that im here in visalia. my little sister goes to catholic school and asks and talks about God and our involvment with him. it startled me at first, but in time it wasnt so weird. and now i'm tearing down that wall i've created and i feel a lot better. with that and i've just been happier in life. my story, my truth is more out in the open.
so whatever, if you feel the need to judge me... go ahead. if thats what you feel like you need to do. all i know is that im becoming more at peace with myself and im happier. and im freer. and im not so shy and negative as i use to be. im still an introvert, at my core, but im much more approachable and all that good stuff.
in all this i've been able to write a bit. which im so happily pleased about. and so some of my writing involves this stuff thats going on.

-my prayer-
I'm sorry that I shut you out.
I'm sorry I didn't let you in,
Yet the furthest you went
Was the closest you could be.
Please forgive me for shutting you out
Cuz I had so much shame and doubt.
All I need is you in my heart.
All I want is you in my heart.
I've tried so hard to be self reliant,
But I've figured out
It's not compliant.
Lord, give me strength.
Lord, I need your help.
Please heal my broken heart,
For I'm much too weak
To do it on my own.
I surrender my trust you you.
I have faith in you.
Please take my hand
And walk with me.
Walk with me through
The mess I helped create.
I need help picking up the peices.
Please help me God.
Help me find peace
In dealing with my demons.
Cuz all I need is you.
All I want is you.
I surrender my heart to you.

sometimes i write really small short things. i dont consider them poems. i dont consider them anything but just something i want to jot down.

And than God said to me...
Ok, you've got a taste of freedom.
You know what "the good life" feels like.
Clarissa... Lets go home now.

and something i thought was poinent was that on xm radio,
rabbi shmuley said:
happiness is a choice.
we have everything and we have nothing.

bring peace in the middle east.

the good life.

so i've been able to write a lot. and be inspired a lot. im so happy.

this week has been really EXTREMELY good to me. i dont feel like getting my notebook and putting all my new stuff at this very moment.

i've met a lot of interesting people here. and im really getting aquainted with visalia. im digging it.

wednesday: on tuesday there was a speaker who talked about this relatively new organization called the IRMA network. the speaker, RuthAnne educated us a bit and asked if we can help out at the booth they'd be setting up the following day. i may have been the only one who helped out on wednesday, oh well... i was more than happy to since i have such a long break between classes. At night i was invited to a home dinner. this past sunday i went to church with a friend and i really liked it. there was an open invitation to new commers who are interested. so, since i wanted to go... george and i went. i brought them flowers and it was good times. a little bit of food and lots of conversation and some worship and a lot of being in my head going on. i definately plan on going back. its quite lovely and so are the people.

i've actually been encouraged to write more. and i've been sharing with people more of my writing. i actually plan to write a book. i dont know when i can sit down and start but, i plan on that being one of my life projects.

so, i just want to close this by saying... life is good.

my doll

one thing i dont like about being female is menstration. its a hassle. i need midol.

because i love autumn

im falling in love with the weather here in visalia.
its basically accurate, unlike l.a.

but, don't worry l.a. i still love you

today's weather was perfect. it rained last night and a bit early this morning.

it was kinda chilly and a little gloomy. it was blissful.

i slept with my window half way open and snuggled up under my blankets.

it was perfect.

went to church w/ george today. im trying to find my nook. i think this is it.

theres a lot that has been going through my mind these days which makes it easy flowing to write these days. i have no idea if its printable, but it releases my thoughts and my hearts strains which means, my pen controls my hand as i pour my emotions onto paper. who knows maybe i might even write a story that may or may not be published sometime in my life.

speaking of... my other life project. project 600! my polaroid project here's a background incase you dont know... i plan to take 600 polaroids and im at 278 currently.

HERE'S THE PROBLEM: polaroids are discontinued now, so that means that film is uber expensive now, as if it weren't high already, i went to target and it was 16.99 + tax for 10 polaroids. thats ridiculous. i need to research so i can get a whole stack for cheap.

** i've been listening to EISLEY a lot these days. they're wonderful.

quote

"when it comes to romance we're all still in jr.high."

cute.